Fortune Cookie/Texts

All Fortune Cookie texts from Shadow Warrior Classic, Wanton Destruction, Twin Dragon, Shadow Warrior (2013) and Shadow Warrior 2.

Classic

• "Sorry, you no win this time, try again."
• "Baseball wrong. Man with 4 balls cannot walk."
• "No man is island, except Lo Wang."
• "You should kill all business associates."
• "You should not scratch yourself there."
• "Man who stand on toilet, high on pot."
• "Man who buy drowned cat pay for wet pussy."
• "Don't you know you the scum of society?!"
• "Man trapped in pantry has ass in jam."
• "You never going to score."
• "You try harder get along. Be a nice man."
• "26-31-43-82-16-29"
• "Your chi attracts many chicks."
• "Man who fart in church sit in own pew."
• "It is better to have loved and lost than to have loved and got syphilis"
• "There is much death in future."
• "(c)1997, 3DRealms fortune cookie company."
• "Courtesy is contagious. So is Gonorrhea"
• "Having sex is like playing bridge, If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand."
• "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs at you."
• "No one ever died from a broken heart. But a heart sliced from their chest while they looked on screaming? Not gonna lie. That's killed a couple people."
• "ERROR 404 - FORTUNE NOT FOUND"

Shadow Warrior (2013)

• Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is the best. - FZ
• No one ever died of a broken heart. But a heart sliced from their chest while they look on screaming? Not gonna lie. That's killed a couple people.
• A Wang in the hand is worth two in the bush.
• You will stop procrastinating. Later.
• Cardboard belt is a waist of paper.
• The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is all a matter of taste.
• Some days you're the pigeon. Other days you're the statue. Today is more of a statue day.
• You don't need a parachute to skydive. You need a parachute to skydive twice.
• Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs at you.
• That's what ki said.
• The good news: you're not paranoid. The bad news: everyone is actually trying to kill you.
• Ingredients: wheat, sugar, lysergic acid diethylamide, yellow #5.
• Small cookies bring great joy.
• It is better to have loved and lost than to have had loved and gotten syphilis.
• Cookie monster wasn't here.

Shadow Warrior 2

• Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin
• You're never too old to learn something stupid.
• With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
• I love the smell of cookies in the morning. Smells like... Cookies.
• The forecast calls for... Death? Yup. I'm just seeing a whole lot of death. Bummer for you, I guess.
• 'Fućk Confucius'. - Bill Hicks. *
• He who takes advice from a cookie is sure to crumble.
• Confucius say it is easy to hate and difficult to love. Frankie say relax.
• You don't need a parachute to skydive. You need a parachute to skydive twice.
• Thank you Lo Wang! But your fortune is in another cookie!
• All men eat, but Fu Man Chu.
• Help! I am being held prisoner in a video game factory.
• The good news: you're not paranoid. The bad news: everyone is actually trying to kill you.
• You are not illiterate.
• Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs at you.
• Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a great hand.
• The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is all a mater of taste.
• Your mom says hi.
• Add 'in bed' to this fortune to make it super sexy. In bed!
• Lucky numbers: 23, 34, 42, 69, 666.
• Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
• There is no cookie.
• You're the best. Around. Nothing's ever going to keep you down.
• It's time to kick áss and chew bubble gum. And... Oh look! Here's my gum! *
• It is better to have loved and lost than to have had loved and gotten syphilis.
• 404: Fortune not found.
• (C)2013 Flying Wild Fortune Cookie Company.
• A Wang in the hand is worth two in the bush.
• Ingredients: wheat, sugar, lysergic acid diethylamide, yellow #5.
• These aren't the cookies you're looking for.
• Some mistakes are too fun to make only once.
• Courtesy is contagious. So is gonorrhea.
• The Wang abides.
• No one ever died of a broken heart. But a heart sliced from their chest while they look on screaming? Not gonna lie. That's killed a couple people.
• Whoever coined the phrase 'quiet as a mouse' never stepped on one.
• What's a seven-letter word for 'cryptic'?
• You will find a fortune cookie.
• Cookie Monster wasn't here.
• That's what Ki said.
• No Wang is an island.
• This is my katana, this is my gun. One for killing, the other's for... OK, the other's also for killing.
• Live Wang and prosper.
• Some days you're the pigeon, other days you're the statue. Today is more of a statue day.
• Fortune favors those who shoot the bold right in their stupid bold faces.
• All your cookie belong to us.
• Live each day like it's your last. Or at least today, because... Oh I don't want to spoil it.
• Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people look brilliant, until you hear them speak.
• Chew, or chew not. There is no pie.
• Cardboard belt is a waist of paper.
• To maintain perfect accuracy, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
• The early bird gets the worm. The second mouse gets cheese.
• Baseball has it wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.
• You will stop procrastinating. Later.
• To be is to do. - Socrates
  To do is to be. - Sarte
  Do be do be do. - Sinatra
• Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
• Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is the best. - FZ
• Man who drops soap in prison shower is super bummed.
• There can be only Wang.
• You will be attacked by demons.
• Small cookies bring great joy.
• That's all, folks! Don't toss your cookies!
• Wangs out for Harambe.